How To Move On From A Relationship (18 Effective Ways)
by Sonya Schwartz
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Moving on from a relationship can be very trying. It takes a lot of energy and time. The Journal of Positive Psychology says it takes 11 weeks to get over a breakup and approximately 18 months to get over a marriage. Regardless of the length of the relationship, you need to take the time you need to properly heal from the end of your relationship.
Learning how to move on from a relationship, especially a long one, can be a challenge. Luckily, I’ve compiled 18 excellent ways that you can start moving on today. These are actionable steps you can take to start moving on with your life.
I’ll start by going over what you need to do to adjust to being single again. Then, I’ll go into details on the best ways to heal yourself and recover nicely. I’m also going to encourage you to get and stay busy, and I’ll close with some guidance for becoming a new you.
Are you ready to begin the healing process, to get over this person and move on? Expect to bookmark this article as you’ll want to refer to it, and the rich resources sprinkled throughout it, later.
Time To Be Single Again
If you are single now, it’s time to start acting that way. Learn how to get over a break up by adjusting your current circumstances. This means packing up and moving out or having your ex do this; it won’t be easy, but if you know the relationship is over, show respect for the other person by moving on and making a clean break from the relationship.
To help move things along, there are a few things you can do. Involve a third party if necessary to exchange belongings; then, practice no contact to give yourself some alone time to process what’s going on; finally, get rid of any memorabilia, so you can move forward with a clean slate.
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And remember, you will not have to practice “no contact” forever; you really only need to do it until the day comes when you aren’t thinking about calling them every second. That is the time when you can contact your ex if you have a valid reason to do so.
1. Bring In A Third-Party If Necessary
If you still love your ex but can no longer stand to be in the same room with them, bring someone else into the picture to help sort out the details. Find and hire a mediator or third party, like a mutual friend, to help you part ways in the most civil way possible.
If there are children involved, there are child-centered books and mediators that can assist you with this breakup or divorce. A mediator can help you calmly hammer out the particulars about what’s going to happen during what time, until you have a final divorce decree or another official document, laying out all the custody details.
Allow a third party to help you divide your belongings. If you don’t want to be there, you don’t have to! Have a friend or family member pick up your things for you. That’s what’s nice about having someone else involved. It gives you the opportunity to get a jump start on the next suggestion (having no contact)!
2. Eliminate Or Reduce Contact
It’s time to have a period of no contact. If you are a little unsure as to what this means and how to do it, check out this video by a relationship coach on Love Advice TV. As she says, it’s hard to do, but very effective; even if you’re in pain, you can overcome this pain! If your ex wants to talk and be friends, explain that you need a break right now.
My personal experience with no contact is that it really does work! When I’ve had to get over long relationships, even just telling myself it’s a temporary “no contact” period has given me complete release from the anxiety and depression I was feeling. I just told myself that this period was temporary (4 months, for example).
The book and movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, suggests waiting at least 90 days before contacting an ex, so check that out for inspiration and proof (well, close to it) that it works! To hear some other cool and silly suggestions, check out this short video on how to stop yourself from contacting your ex. Really, what do you have to lose?
3. Remove All Memorabilia
Now is the time to get rid of reminders of your ex; in fact, put them out of sight. Just go buy new things, things that don’t remind you of the relationship you had with your ex, or jazz them up with new paint or decorations. Elle Magazine even recommends a new service that will come pick up your ex’s stuff for you called “ExBox.”
If you are having trouble letting go of all the things they bought you, remember that no one is forcing you to trash it all; just move it into another room until the sting of the breakup is over. Having things out of sight usually puts them out of your mind. For more cool ideas for what to do with gifts from an ex, check out this article.
However, according to Psychology Today, if you focus too much on not thinking about your ex, you may get what’s known as the “white bear effect,” which means you are trying too hard to put something out of your mind, making it appear in your head too much. Check out some of the suggestions in that article for ways to clear your mind.
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Sonya Schwartz
Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...